


Talk Me Down

by delilabvrd



Category: Magisterium Series - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Based On a Troye Sivan Song, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Obvious boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-24 17:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12017694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delilabvrd/pseuds/delilabvrd
Summary: WARNING: This is old and awful, written back when I was B1 in English, read on your own riskDeclan takes Jericho's death hard. But it wasn't enough for him to think about all the moments they have had... Fate decided to give him one more surprise.or"If you could take just one thing on an island with you, what would it be?""You""Why?""So I can still protect you from the nightmares"





	Talk Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> OLD AND AWFUL

Declan wasn't quite sure at which point he started sharing a bed with Jericho. It was somewhere during the Iron Year but when?  It  clearly  wasn't the start - He used to sleep with his sister back then before she dumped him and told him to grow up because they were too old for this  . He still loved her with all his heart but he still was mad at her for a few months. And it  surely  couldn't be the end of the year because he had already used to Jericho's warmth.

So it had to be somewhere in the middle. And still, the question was when. It would drive him insane if he continued thinking about this but he couldn't help. It was one of those endless nights when he couldn't get what he needed the most - sleep. Though, this night he didn't need sleep at all. This night he needed Jericho.

The absence of his friend in his own bed made Declan's heart ache. The news about his death  just  few hours ago but he still couldn't believe it. He hoped that all he had to do was to wait for him to come back. It didn't happen. Neither this night nor the night after that.

The first time Declan came to ask if he could sleep with Jericho was after a week of sleeplessness. He didn't know why he asked Jericho exactly.  He could have gone to Alister, whom he was a great friend at that time, or Connie, who didn't seem to hate him as much as his brother did . But he stopped right in front of his door.

He could tell it was a feeling inside him, some sort of gravity that guided him towards... towards something. He didn't know what this something was but every time he thought of it, back then and now, it made his skin warmer. That kind of feeling only ever came for Jericho. Declan didn't know why but he guessed that with him things were different.  Like, they were this kind of friends, his sister read about - pure, untouchable, with a unique unbreakable link, that was  just  and only theirs .

He knew it would be risky to knock on the door and ask the question.  He thought the blond-haired would close the door in his face without saying anything,  just  giving him a judging look  . And that's why when he blushed, opened the door wider and  slightly  said "Yes" surprised him. He was pretty sure that the other boy  was surprised by  his own actions too.

They were both lying on Jericho's bed, illuminated by the dim shine of the blue crystals above them. Declan noticed how they made his friend's grey eyes even more storm-like. They weren't  just  a clouded sky. They were a sea storm at its cruellest moment. He could help but told himself he loved sea storms from then on.

There was something else. Even though the bed was big enough for them to sleep without touching each other, they were on its edges. Declan felt hot in his own skin, which was odd. The caves were always cool and sometimes even freezing, but never hot. 

"You wanted to sleep," said Jericho out of nowhere "Why aren't you sleeping?"

Declan blushed even more, which he didn't know was possible and froze. _Why am I like this?_ He asked himself. _What's wrong with me?_

"W-well, why aren't you?" he made out some words finally.

"I need time, you know, to fall asleep again," He smiled  slightly  "And the boy that  barely  noticed me before staring at me is not helping it at all"

Declan let a sharp gasp. He  really  had been staring at his eyes. How hadn't he noticed? The embarrassment filled his body so  clearly  that even a blind person could see it.

Then  surprisingly  Jericho laughed. He laughed with a soft warm melody, that filled his ears and made his heart beat faster. For a moment he couldn't move his eyes from him. Then a quiet laugh rolled off his lips too.  And before he could notice they were both laying way closer to one each other than they  originally  ment, laughing for  really  no reason, and building a true friendship.

The next morning he told his sister how for such a strong bond it wasn't needed a tragedy to happen, he told her how he and Jericho did it  . But all she did was to smile and  simply  say "You boys are a tragedy on your own".

But that night he didn't care much if he was going to prove his sister wrong.  He  just  cared about the words that came out of his new friend's month "I wasn't going to sleep anyways and looks like you weren't going to too . How about we talk?"

"About what?"

"It doesn't matter," Jericho took a deep breath like he wanted to say something but no word came out. " Just  talk"

Declan had no idea what they talked about that night. Or the next night when Jericho invited him himself. Or the rest of them, when an invitation wasn't even needed. He  barely  remembered anything from those nights.  Just  few things that didn't want to leave his mind.

He remembered how hard was to look away from the sleeping Jericho.  He remembered how they would promise themselves not to sleep at certain nights, planning to spent them talking . He remembered how they would count the crystals on the ceiling but never made it further than 105. He even remembered few conversations.

The one he told him about his nightmares.

The one his friend told him about how jealous he was of his brother.

The one that made his heart stop.

"If you could take  just  one thing on an island with you, what would it be?"

"You"

"Why?"

"So I can still protect you from the nightmares"

The last one happened a week or two ago.  He had almost forgotten about the nightmares that he  was surprised  Jericho remembered them  . His chest tightened.  What if he had spent the last two years and a half sleeping in the same bed with him  just  so Declan would feel better not because he wanted to .

For the two nights his best friend was gone, there was no sight of nightmares. But wasn't a life without Jericho a nightmare he couldn't wake up from?

* * *

Declan had fallen asleep and hugged Jericho's pillow. The boy could feel a look on him but he  was used  to it. Whenever Jericho woke up earlier than him or the alarm, he would  just  stare at his friend, without saying a word. He never minded for some reason. It was...

Something clicked in him. This wasn't Jericho. This couldn't be him. He opened eyes and sat on the bed that fast that he felt dizzy for a second.

In front of him, there was a small figure of a boy, with curly golden hair and grey eyes. The words stuck in his throat. He shouldn't have been here and they both knew it.

Constantine was the only other person that would come to his brother's room to search for help when he wasn't feeling good enough  .  It happened often when he came at night to catch them talking and sometimes joining the conversations . Declan had no problem with this, he liked Connie.

But there was something about those nights, something private, he wanted to keep like that.

He and Connie made a deal - no one entered Jericho's room. Ever. For no reason. But it didn't take Declan long to break the deal. Less than a night. And he was  really  sorry about that. An apology came on his lips and he tried to spoke it as fast as he could.

"I know I shouldn't be here, I just..." He faced his classmate gaze and his blood ran cold.

This was Jericho. It really was him.

Silence filled the room as the grey-eyed boy looked away. Painful silence full of hope.  Declan looked at every detail in his friend to make sure he wasn't wrong and that in front of him was the boy he used to share a bed with.

"Are you a ghost?" He asked finally. God, his voice was shaking.

"What are you doing here?" Jericho ignored his question. His voice wasn't stable either.

"What are _you_ doing here?" An angry tone had made its way into Declan's voice "You are _dead!"_

"I- uh," There was no storm in his eyes anymore,  just  fluffy grey clouds. For most people, this was a good sign. Not for Jericho. "I _am_ dead"

He wasn't sure if he had to laugh, shout, or slap Jericho but he wanted to none of it.  Something in him told him to get out of the bed, to walk as close as possible, to hug him as tight as he could, to cry on his shoulder . And he let this something lead him through all it.

Jericho was never good at comforting with words but his hugs could give everything a person needed  . His warmth, his smell of canella, his gentle arms put around him. It was all comforting and made him feel better. Even, for a second, some kind of belief raised in him, waiting to  be crushed .

He knew he backed off too soon, he  just  couldn't take it. For two days all he was trying to tell himself was that his friend was dead, that he won't see him anymore. And now he was here, in front of him. His head hurt from this.

"I have to leave, Declan," Jericho said as if he was holding back so many tears and so much pain "I have to leave everything behind, I have to disappear"

"But you didn't have to die!" He tried to keep his voice as low as he could but it kept coming out too loud

"No! I had to!" Jericho was trying not to shout too "Things are more complex than they seem!"

"Explain me then! To see if I get it. I'm not stupid, Jer"

The other boy went silent for a second and his next words came out as whisper "Don't tell anyone I was here," His voice broke "Please..."

A tear rolled down his cheek and Declan cupped his face, carefully wrapping the tear with a thump.  Slowly , Jericho's skin warmed. A slight blush coloured his face.

There was no need to wait for an answer. I promise was written in the air, clear as anything could be.

"I have to go-"

"No!" Declan stopped him "Stay," he continued softer "Until I fall asleep" He knew this was too much to ask for. Way too much. But he wanted this. He wanted to say goodbye this way. The small nod that followed made his heart beat times faster.

They laid in the bed, closer than they used to. They laid so they won't face the ceiling but each other. They laid so they could hold hands. This was something new.

Declan wanted to fall asleep faster so Jericho could get away safer. But he couldn't. He couldn't stop looking at his eyes, grey and sea-stormy again, full of life and an emotion he couldn't read. And his hair - a mess of golden curls, looking so soft that for years Declan has wanted to touch them, to see if they  really  are.

And for a first time, he was brave enough to do it. He let go of his hand and buried his own in the curls, that felt softer than everything he had ever touched. He moved even closer to him, enough to see every each of his freckles and the blush covering his face.

He finally could close his eyes, after memorising every tiny detail about Jericho's face, and let his friend go .

When he tried to get out of Declan's hug, he was in this state between sleep and awakeness where he could hear, feel and realise what was happening around him but couldn't do anything about it  .  And he could feel how gentle he was taking his hands out of his hair, how he was getting out of the bed  quietly  enough so it won't wake up him . He felt how the blanket covered him and how his friend whispered "idiot" under his breath.

But for the two years, he had spent here sleeping, this room had become more of his room that his room. He knew every sound in here and recognised this one. Jericho opened his drawer, the one he wouldn't let anyone else open and took something from there.

He took other this from the room also, things important to him.  He was trying to listen harder, to recognise any of them but with every second he was losing the connection with the world . And by the time he felt light pressure on his forehead, he couldn't have guessed what it was - a kiss.

* * *

The next two years consisted two things: late night conversations and lots and lots of secrets .

Every few nights Jericho would call Declan to make sure everyone was okay and say how he was doing. The answer from the both sides always was fine. The lie could easily be read and yet, no one said a thing about it.

But he hated how short the conversations were. He knew it was selfish, he knew it would put his friend into a greater danger, he knew he would be asking for too much. He  just  couldn't help but want those conversations they used to have before.

Most of the times things didn't seem fair to Declan. His friend was out there somewhere, running for his life while he was selfishly safe in this... he wasn't sure how to call the Magisterium now. He hadn't been sure for the last two years. Somehow, here was safer than anywhere else here and not.

Sarah's hugs were safe, he knew. Alistar's friendship was safe too.  But sneaking out of the Magisterium while there were at least hundred of chaos-ridden behind his back was everything but safe.

But he had to.  It was the only, the _only_ time Jericho had asked _him_ to come anywhere, to do anything for him other than  just  keeping his mount shut . Some kind of unwanted warmth filled his heart. It wasn't the time for this. Declan could feel it in his voice - it was life or death situation.

So when he rushed out of his room, wearing nothing more than his pyjamas and a jacket and his sister gave him her specific look he got stunned . He cursed under his breath.

"If you are going to go see your boyfriend  I think  you should at least try to wear something better."  She smiled at him while leaning on her door frame "Or I should remind you that you are only sixteen and your clothes  surely  will have to stay on you ."

He wasn't sure what he had to do: to try and hide his blush or to find out what was she talking about. He decided both was a good idea.

Though most mundane rules weren't as valuable in the Magisterium as they were in the rest of the state, he decided not to have a boyfriend in Virginia . He troght it would be safer this way.

"I know everything, Dex," She said so  softly  as if she was trying to calm him down from a mental breakdown "You talk in your sleep, you know  ?" She didn't say his name but he knew she knew. It was so  clearly  written in the space between them that he could taste it.

"It's not a- a" He couldn't let it out, he couldn't say it. An image, a quick dream appeared in front of his eyes.  Him and Jericho together in one of those music shops browsing for hours, talking,  just  being together . He tried to erase this fantasy before it was too late. "He said it's important, he needs to talk to me about something,"

She shook her head "At least put something you won't freeze on the first step".  After he stayed still for a second she continued "C'mon go dress up," she closed her door behind her and Declan could recognise the noise of opening her wardrobe . Oh no he told himself.

When he got dressed, which was pretty fast for most standards, Sarah was already waiting for him in the main room.

"You are not coming," he told her "He wanted _me_ to come"

"Because only _you_ knew he was alive" 

He stopped himself before he said 'It's not'. He wished it was so. It wasn't.

"Where?" she asked

"The tree house"

"Of course," she sighed "You know what to do if you need backup, right?"

He nodded. Seconds later he was already out of the school.

The tree house was something they found in their Iron year the first time they sneaked out of the school.  None of them was sure why there was a tree house in the middle of the forest, miles away from (official) civilisation but they  just  accepted the fact and made the best they could from it to feel like a third home . They used to go there often before Jericho's "death".

Now two years later he expected to see it in the stage in was they saw it at first. But it wasn't. It wasn't as dusty and ruined as then. It was pretty close to what it was the last time they saw it. Someone had taken care of it. His first thought was how often had Jericho been here, how many times he had missed him.

His hand froze seconds before he pushed the door. He had wanted to see his friend in face again for so long but he... he wasn't ready.

He tried to breathe, he wasn't sure what he was going to see. He was going to meet Jericho his best friend. But what if he wasn't the same. What if his face was full of scars, what if his eyes have changed, what if there was nothing left of him even in his soul.

But when he opened the door he saw him, he saw the boy that could fall asleep everywhere, that would listen to music rather than people, that would let Declan share a bed with him so he wouldn't be so scared of nightmares . His heart was so loud he felt it could wake up the other boy.

Declan came as close as he could to Jericho. His hair had got longer. Now the golden curls had the right to go everywhere they wanted to. They  probably  were easier to play with now. He desired to touch them so much.

And his eyelashes. He hadn't used to see them often. His eyes would always drag his attention. They were big and golden as his hair.  Every time Jericho blinked should have looked like this moment in the flight when a butterfly would close her wings . So beautiful...

And his freckles,  all of  them, they were still there on his face. Declan did what he used to do once, to count them. It always helped him to calm down, which he needed now so  badly.

He didn't know why he became more nervous than before. He didn't know why he was shaking so much, why the air was so hot and muggy. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't get his throughs together, he couldn't...

_Shit_

He felt his mind saying the word and he knew he  was screwed  up.

He realised that he had gasped  loudly  the moment Jericho snapped his eyes open and hit him hard enough to pin him on the ground.

"Ouch!" He hissed "First you call me in the middle of the night then you hit me. This is not the kind of hospitality I was expecting from you" at least his jockish voice wasn't affected.

"Are you alright?  I'm sorry, I-," Jericho had keeled down next to his friend, completely worried and running hands over his stomach to make sure everything was alright  . "Be more careful, _please_ "

But Declan had forgotten about any pain the moment the blind boy came close to him, close enough to pull him into a hug. And that's what he did.

It was rare for two boys to hug that way. Sure girls did it all the time and boys and girls often too. But  just  two boys. It seemed way too strange. And yet, he didn't care.

They held each other as if they were everything that mattered, everything they needed.

And Declan could smell the hint of smoke in Jericho's hair. He could feel his warmth. He could hear a heartbeat, rapid but harmonized, like a song, and he wasn't sure whose was it.

But before he could even think about it Jericho tightened his hug. He was crying he could tell by his quiet sobs, by his shaking body.

Declan wasn't good at calming people, he had never been. But at very this moment he tried to mimic everything he knew Sarah would do.

One of his hand climbed its way up to Jericho's golden curls and with the other he pressed his friend as close as he could to himself.  When the other boy started calming down he backed off a little and whispered into his years the lyrics of a certain lullaby, the one his mum used to sing to him when he was little.

But the whisper came out more as a real song than  just  words. But he didn't worry. This would have calmed him even more.

But a second later, a second after Jericho seemed stable, he pushed himself away from the hug. If Declan hadn't been so surprised he could have seen the horror and the grief written on his friend's face.

"S-sorry," he stammered "I shouldn't have"

"No, no. I'm always open for hugs."

Jericho's face had got redder than a few moments ago but Declan was paying too much attention to hide his own blush to notice his .

Then a thought crossed his mind. His heart ached and somehow the tiny cabin got even smaller.

"You said it's a life or death situation. What's going on, Jer?"

He met his gaze. The grey eyes were there calm. No storm to  be seen  , not even a tiny cloud. They were  just  grey eyes. This made him worry, worry a lot.

"I want you to talk me down" he busted out finally

It took a second for Declan to perceive the words. "W-what? From what?"

"From staying"

The silence that followed was heavy. Enough to break a heart - Declan's. Jericho was looking away, everywhere else than his friend.  Declan couldn't pay attention to anything else than the words.

He understood. Staying close or even coming to the Magisterium with all the truth met he would gain safety. A lying one.

He knew the greatest fears the blond boy had and he knew how real they could be. He knew how much pain he had taken to prevent this.

He was  just  about to say it and the words died in his mouth. Connie wasn't going to be safe. Not now. And  probably  not ever.

Whatever he wanted to say, whatever came to his mind wouldn't make it into real words.

"I can't," came out more like a cry than wanted "You want me to do this but I can't, I'm sorry" He felt the tears coming out of his eyes. This wasn't fair.

"I want you to stay," he continued "I want you to stay and I know why you can't. I want you to come back no matter how dangerous it is going to be and I hate myself for this. I want you, Jericho. I want you, me, and normal life. I want..."

Before he could say anything else, he felt a light pressure on his lips. For a moment he thought Jericho had shut him up, but then...

Then his heart started trying to get out of his chest. It was a kiss.

Or at least Declan made it a one. He tilted his head a bit and cathed Jericho's upper lip between his. 

Whatever tense was there melted away the second the kiss  was deepened  . Declan's fingers  were surrounded by  soft golden curls again. God, he loved his hair.  Jericho placed a hand over his heart,  slightly  pressing the place the lowest curve of his neck, the one right above his collarbone . It somehow made Declan's heart beat even faster.

Breathless Jericho broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against Declan's. But it was enough for him to see that the storm was back. "Don't make it harder, idiot" Jericho said. A smile grew on his face, a shy laugh left his lips. Jericho was in front of him, _his Jericho_.

It felt so sweet saying in his mind, sweet as honey, that he desired to say it out loud.

But it stayed on the end of his tongue. A loud crash came from outside. Jericho ran to the window and by the way his body tensed he knew nothing good was coming.

"Chaos-ridden. Two dozen of them,"

The next thing Declan did was to curse under his nose and hit his bracelet against the wall as hard as he could.

* * *

Declan wouldn't remember much of what happened later. He wouldn't remember why they ended up in battle with so much of them when they  clearly  had no chance of winning.  He wouldn't remember when his sister and the coffee-needing Alistar came or what or why the animals ran away . 

But he would never forget holding the dying Jericho in his hands.

No matter how hard Alister or Sarah tried they couldn't heal the wound on his stomach. He had pressed his hand over the spot where the shirt  was coloured by  blood.

Jericho was getting weaker, his breath was getting shallower. With every second passed, every lost blood drop, his heartbeat got slower.

No one could come in time and they all knew it. This was a goodbye not the see you later Declan was hoping for.

Declan was holding him as close as he could,  quietly  singing the same lullaby as he did not so long ago. He wanted his friend to leave  peacefully  this world and he tried to make it possible. But this time, this time they had an element of pray among everything.

"The nightmares..." Jericho whispered, "Did you still had nightmares after I was gone?"

One more arrow pierced his heart.

"No," His voice gave him up "Not a sigh of one"

"So I was the reason for them?"

This made Declan replay every night they had spent together, every moment they had had. "You can't be the reason for anything bad"

The edges of Jericho's lips moved up. That was the most he could do as a smile at this moment but it meant so much.

Then he looked at Sarah and Alistar. Sarah couldn't take a breath while crying, shedding tears covering her face. Alistar was trying to comfort her but it was seeable, he wanted to cry too.

"Don't be mad at Declan," he said "I made him keep it a secret"

This made Sarah cry even harder.

He tried to take a deep breath but it came out  fitfully  . "Tell Connie the truth," his voice was shaking "Tell him it and make him stop with  all of  this. I'm sure you can,"

"I'll miss you, guys" he said finally

And no one was ready to break the silence. Not even after Jericho closed his eyes and tilted his head in sleep. Not even after Declan moved one of his hand on his neck to check for a heartbeat and held it there. Not even after a painful look covered his face and he moved his hand away from the lifeless boy's neck.

They didn't talk for a while.  Not while burying Jericho in the middle of the forest, not while going back to the Magisterium, not the next day or the week after .

There was  just  nothing to  be said  and no reason to pretend.

* * *

"If you knew, why you did never say a thing?"

"You wanted to keep it a secret. I knew you were going to tell me when you were ready"

"And if that took me way too long"

"I would wait"

"Even if it took me forever?"

"Yes"

* * *

Jericho missed a lot of things in the Afterlife. Things he had said goodbye to anyway but still hoped to see while he was alive - his Walkman, his cassettes, his room... His friends that would have already forgotten him by the time they come here.

He had always thought that they would all come at once, holding hands, laughing at jokes he would never understand and  just  walking past him . He had always thought that he would see their coloured with grey strips hair and youth in their eyes.

And for this reason, the solivagant sixteen-year-old looking Declan made him angry. 

Or at least the first time he saw him. Then Declan was angry too. Then he screamed the things Jericho didn't want to hear. The things he feared the most. Then he vanished into the air. That's how he learned the first one was fake.

This didn't erase the scars the words made. Neither did make the rest go away.

Every day one of those he loved the most would appear, scream at him, break his heart over and over again. And they would always seem more real than the previous time. But this time he was ready, this time he wouldn't fall for them. This time he was going to be strong.

All kinds of this hallucinations have come. First were the angry ones, those who screamed at his, made him feel like nothing worth loving. Then came the silent ones, those who said no word  just  stared. They made him scared, they didn't let him move. 

The last ones, the worst of them, were the real. Or at least those who were exactly what Jericho remembered his friend as. Those who would comfort him, who would tell him everything was alright. Those who then would claw him and blame him for the same things the first ones did. Back then it pained. Now it made Jericho's time an agonising existence that he wished he could end.

But things weren't that easy here. He was paying for his sins, he had to. Still, sometimes things came too much for him. He couldn't take it this time.

Then they came - Sarah and Jericho. For first time more than one. For first time looking older than sixteen. 

They were a new kind, he was sure. He had to face them someday. But not today. That's why when they called out his name he ran. Ran as hard as he could.

He ran the day after too. The following too. He ran for years.

And finally, he stopped. He faced them. He yelled at them. His words were sharp, cut like blades and left scars deeper than anything else could. Then he walked away.

The hallucinations never came back. He had fought them, he had won.

But he would never realise whom he wounded so hard. He would never realise that the hallucinations had stopped earlier than he thought.


End file.
